“Does my hair look ok?”
“Is my makeup blended right?”
“Is my pieces hitting the way the mirror suggests or is my iPhone telling the truth?”
“It took me 4 hours to find an outfit and oh f*ck, is he looking at my toes? I didn’t have time to hit the salon.”
“ Her outfit is so cute, man I feel underdressed maybe I should go home”
These are the circus of thoughts that run through my mind as my friends and I were sitting at the table at brunch during the first hot day of the year.
I mean I did hear something bout the world was about to open up but they also said this shit would only last two weeks and here we are hitting our 1 year anniversary of the global shut down so forgive me for thinking they were bluffing.
I was in the house for 1 year I did go a few places but then right back home .. Writing that is absolutely crazy but I’ve learned so much about myself that I didn’t know and I’ve gotten so much closer to God.
It’s an interesting experience getting to know yourself.
Don’t stop reading like I’m finna get on my single girl soapbox cuz this ain’t that.
I’m talking about getting to know what my heart desires and the vibes that make me thrive.
Getting to know what I like to do like the entities that touch my soul, I’ve been able to reach a level of peace that I never knew existed.
This year has shown me that my life and the outcome are up to me fully not just a Lil bit.
This year gave me an opportunity to check and check in with me for myself by myself.
Learning that I am in control of my thoughts liberated me to a point of no return.
But I also learned not every thought is mine so when I went out for the first time I had to redirect my thoughts of insecurities to my new views of clarity.
When I shifted my focus I was able to enjoy the day.
I even had a couple of drinks and literally mean two and after the second one, I couldn’t stop yawning.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m elated that we are kinda opening back up but I only got a few hours for outside in me these days.
I tried to hide it because nothing is more of a mood killer than a sleepy bitch especially when we were really having a ball with great laughs and stories of success full of passion.
I could tell we all became more aligned better business-minded individuals.
My thoughts from my old ways of thinking gave me anxiety about going back out into civilization after being put up for so long but my teachings from solitude helped me handle it like the G I always claim to be.
It’s not like I didn’t know better in the past, It’s that it registers different now.
I have some advice for you based on my first experience back out, as we go back into the hustle and bustle of life, remember who you became in isolation, remember what you learned, and show up as that person.
It’s refreshing to step back out and get some fresh air, be around good vibes and enjoy it but don’t forget the unfortunate but fortunate blessing this was.
Let’s be real it had a lot of heartache, grief, and pain but it gave us an opportunity to catch our breath.
Life is constantly changing and shit is always happening but this time allowed us to stop and focus on things that truly matter and as a whole we all became stronger.
So step out don’t forget your mask, pop yo shit, get fly but when you get the moment to exercise what you’ve learned I hope you choose the new you and tell the old you screw you.
What is IT?
No, not something simple like how is IT done.
I’m asking, what’s the purpose of IT?
What did the creator intend for IT to be?
Did he contemplate on what makes IT great?
Did he constitute back shots, squirting and orgasms would give IT, ITs description?
Did he say that appearance, body count, stamina, and performance are all that matters?
Deepak Chopra says “because intimacy is now so totally identified with the sexual act, fulfillment has become confused with performance” further he says “intimacy in the physical sense is usually taken to be the same as having an orgasm but no matter how exciting it is, an orgasm is a sensation centered in the ego true intimacy is shared self-expression”.
This excerpt prompted me to ask is it more to IT than just performance?
When IT’s brought up, men decide if IT’s worth it based on how wet she gets, but the more you engage, connect, handle and caress, the wetter she becomes.
Women decide to add the body or exclude based on how big it got, how long it stayed up, how many rounds he gave her, how well he executed whispering in her ear while simultaneously measuring his strokes, and if all else fails how well he moved his tongue but the more you captivate him the more enthralled he becomes.
The more involved you are the more engaged he will be, the softer your voice is the longer he stays up.
Does eye connection matter?
Sometimes we close our eyes the entire time, What are you thinking about? Are you attempting to connect spiritually?is looking at that person turning you off? are you thinking about someone else? are you just focused on the release?
Does touch matter?
Think about it for a second, have you ever had it without someone holding your hand? without someone looking into your eyes?
Should we be able to have an emotionless display of affection? A casual connection? Like a computer with no wifi, connected but disconnected lol)
Most people have categories, they give “different strokes for different folks”
Gazing into one another’s eyes and holding hands while figuratively and literally touching souls would be considered lovemaking
Headboard ramming sessions would be considered a more relaxed encounter with fewer expectations.
What about when intimacy is removed from the person you created a relationship with, the one you supposed to love?
What about when slow, deep strokes show up in the causal interactions and strings are attached?
What about when the same exchange is being experienced by multiple people? When them strokes ain’t so different.
Is a conversation prior to, necessary?
a conversation about likes and dislikes before penetration builds anticipation and excitement.
You can tell how much someone is into you by how much creative effort they put into doing the things you told them you enjoy. Along the way, they create new patterns and pleasures but it stems from things you’ve told them in.
A conversation can also eliminate the stigma that in order for IT to be great we must pay attention to detail, deliver a conversation-worthy presentation, withdraw our feelings, and or put up with toxicity.
Without a conversation, we become subject to manipulation for one’s own gain or pleasure also knows as we expose ourselves to getting played with.
Games are dangerous the moment you decide to participate in them, knowingly and unknowingly, IT’s now a contest.
If restrictions are established due to lack of transparency, the focus is illuminated on outshining, or one-upping the other therefore we aren’t getting stimulus from anything else that entanglement provides.
Condoms are uncomfortable and I don’t care how many times your parents tell you IT feels the same it doesn’t..
so why do we have to use them?
Because we withhold information from one another due to fear of the other not handling our truth properly or we feel it will make that person not want us so we lie, we reduce its significance and trivialize it.
Why do we expose ourselves to be devalued in this manner? Why do we risk our lives like this?
The creator intended sex to be a sacred energy exchange.
Nothing sacred comes from lies or lying by omission.
Communicating one’s intentions and needs can stop a lot of heartbreak and unnecessary drama.
We control one another to get what we want based on our own ulterior motives with no regard for what the other person craves.
Healthy sex can be an intoxication that won’t cause hangovers if handled maturely.
Acquiring the other person’s consent, their understanding of predicted intentions and shared pleasure matters most.
Next time ask yourself
What does “it” mean to you?
are you invested in the moment?
Are you willing to dig deeper?
Do you want to know what shared- expression feels like?
Or are you just trying to feed your ego?
When I see what’s going on in Amerikkka it makes me feel a few emotions with “BET” being the most prominent one.
I’ve been privy to the lack of concern with BLACK lives in this country (No offense I love all people but I’m not including another color this time) but I’ve never witnessed an attack so blatantly approved.
If I was to compare it to something more surface level, it’s like you find a new significant other (President-Elect -Biden) after your last relationship abused the shit out of you and this new person isn’t perfect but the last four years have been hell so you know you have to make another decision AND your favorite uncle (Obama) vouched for him so you have to give it a try with hope to move forward. Your ex ( Trump) believes they were perfect, that they treated you with the utmost respect and deserves a second chance and you are basically lying saying they were that bad and they demand you reconsider, and until you do they’ll be popping up at your door, having their cousins harass you on social media, on the street, in the grocery store, in your DM’s, on your timeline and on your television. On the day you get engaged they’re whole family breaks into the location your new significant other is planning to propose to you, in an effort to steal the ring and stop the engagement. Despite the demonic scheme to divert your engagement, it successfully goes through.
When their plan failed, they reveal new plans to terrorize your wedding day too.
In this situation, I would go through a slew of scenarios because;
1. They got me fucked up, after all the trauma you’ve put me through you decide that’s not enough, you have to continue because you think I don’t know what’s good for me? The emotions I think I felt I just don’t understand and you were the best thing that could have ever happen to me.
2. This is a comedy, you had your chance and you blew it so I’m moving on and there is nothing more to say, just step aside with grace. The fact that you won’t is actually really funny.
3. Actually this isn’t funny at all. You and your minions are serious, my family and friends are going to have to armor up because y’all have shown y’all’s asses and lost y’all’s minds.
Now I know that comparison is trivial and not as serious as what’s going on but it’s familiar, demonic, nasty, and petty and exactly what’s going on in Amerikkka.
I’m trying to understand the real problem, well what I really want is for them to say the real problem “ we have no reason not to like you we are just haters and instead of identifying our own blessings as a race we harp on you all’s and we have since the beginning of time, we envy your talents, your melanin, your beauty, your brains, your resilience, your strength, your ability to overcome adversity, your stability despite our greatest efforts to tear down the basic fundamentals of your entire existence, we hate your genetic makeup and therefore we as a whole race of people vowed in unison to steal a country from its original people, go to another country take you from your land spread you out so you forget your heritage , enslave you, kill you, rape you, try to dilute you, attempt to extinct you, strip you from your history and brainwash you to believe you are inferior to us so we can rule over your people for years and years to come and you are jeopardizing that with your overarching success as a race” but they will never admit that so what do we do?
Let’s be honest, protesting ain’t working. It’s a setup.
They’ve shown us that when we do it it’s seen as a display of violence.
When they do it, they understand, they want to fight with them they get to live to tell the story about how they broke into THE FUCKIN U.S. CAPITAL BUILDING
But when we do it? It’s like they’ve opened the doors to the county jail and its angry prisoners are upset about the treatment they receive and the only way to maintain control is to shoot them down like mad dogs in the street.
It’s delusion at its finest, but it’s not shocking nor surprising.
They do this animal ass act all the time in different industries, and every-time we act appalled.
Every-time we act like their agenda hasn’t been revealed.
Do you know what we do?
We continue to fight because that’s who the fuck we are!
Continue to go after our dreams because IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING!
In the ’90s the songs and movies had us and our parents “ feeling like black was the thing to be” because it is!!!!!!
We shape the culture of the world and get no credit but we do get validation, this act was the validation that we are tickling some feathers!
We moving mountains and building temples!
We have been fixated on the idea that we have to ask them for something, We don’t.
We have to get on the same page with our God and continue to do what we been doing together.
We have to get out and continue to take that shit!
We’ve been overcoming their negative attacks!
If your dream is to become the president of the United States and make a change President Obama and Madam Vice President Kamala Harris have shown us the limit does not exist!!!!
Black excellence is an internal journey that begins as a flame within each of us and lights the world on fire.
Don’t let anything stop you.
Take the steps needed to get there and be the best that you can!
Show up for your dreams every single day of your life, it’s your assignment, your duty!
We must make an imprint on this earth, especially this country!
We were born with divine powers and it shows in how we talk, how we walk, how we show up in the world and they see it too.
That’s why they’ve been trying to take it from us, been trying to end our lives before we figure it out so we don’t amount to it.
That time has come to an end!
We see what y’all doing and we are not impressed but
BITCH BET!
Watch us make this shit shake!
Love is action
Love is spirit
Love is unconditional
Love is transparently naked
Love is growth and development at 7 and seventy 4
Love is letting go of fear
Love is worth crying over but you won’t experience tears
Love is gentle, not crushing
Love is come as you are or out you go and bests get to rushing
Love is just, for trust is a must.
Love is invasively aware
Love is dedicated devotion with no obligations just cognitive notions
Love is approbation and admiration
Love is a blissful elevation with effort and determination
“And you say you know what love is… but I swear you never seen it in your life”
Nobody talks about how hard it is to follow God’s path and still function in society.
Following God means to protect your thoughts and keep your mind on Godly things but how can I do that when I think throat baby is a love song.
I wish it were as easy as my ears don’t even vibe to shit like that but it ain’t.
The song actually got me thinking I want somebody to think this highly of me.
He said “ I shoot the world for you, I go to war for you” I don’t know about you but I want a man to choose me over everyone and if it gets hectic I want to be able to say “ my nigga will shoot this bitch up” if y’all wont admit it, I will.
Listening to music like that got me focused on a certain caliber of man, the world will have you thinking it’s one extreme or the other.
Hints “Future or Russell”
I know I’d run over a Russell and a future will run over me.
I want a Jay-Z, a man that understands the streets but knows he’ll get more out of life from being with me.
A soulmate should calm my soul not give me PTSD.
My soul needs peace and harmony.
My heart needs to beat calmly.
I don’t want to find myself at war with the person I’m lying next to.
I don’t want to have anxiety every time his phone rings.
I don’t want to think of different ways to one-up the man I let buss in my mouth.
I definitely don’t want to suppress how I feel from fear of an argument or knowing I won’t get the truth from the man I let hit raw.
I’m tired of sharing my energy, my deepest fears, and my biggest dreams with men who only tell me what they think I want to hear, do things they think I want them to do just long enough to get some.
They will have us thinking we on the path to marriage because they are homeless and horny.
It’s the promise of pussy that motivates a Fuck boy.
The saddest part about this is it’s something inside of me that’s attracted to attention and affection, not love.
How about I take it deeper. We search for the love we were given as a child because that’s all we know.
At this point in the blog, It would be predicted for me to tell you to love yourself first before you ask another person to love you and yes you should do that but what happens when you don’t know how?
When the morning affirmations not working and the self-care Sundays feel more like a mental asylum than a sanctuary?
I encourage you to stop everything, cut off the tv, turn the podcast and the playlist off, power off your phone and drop to your knees and surrender to God.
Disconnect with everything that makes you lose sight of the inner voice, his voice.
The music along with the memes that are out now are #disrespectfully fucking us up.
It is hard to cut off the hits.
Trust me, I want to throw up gang signs, twerk, and sing my heart out to the best of them but I know my mind is a sponge.
I know I’m in an extremely vulnerable state and I have to protect my energy on all fronts, so as tempting as it is to become throat baby to my favorite sneaky link I’ve got to cut that shit off and love on my mind.
Feed it positive images and sounds of love cause the reality is, I don’t know what love is and what better way to learn through the entity that created it.
