Life Lately

“Its been three years so the audacity of you to come back here screams entitlement.” 

For three years that thought has plagued my mind every time I think about starting my blog back up. If those are your thoughts then we are on the same page. Since you’re already here, indulge me for a moment. I won’t take up too much of your time, I'm going to ease my way back in.

 Writing has been on my heart lately, I mean in this way because I journal daily,ehhh ok weekly at best.

I’m referring to writing about things that matter to me and attracting people who feel the same or people who feel the polar opposite.

I’ve been so engulfed in Soul Full that my creativity became linearly focused on her and only her. 

The thought of this blog and writing another book was fleeting.

Whenever it would cross my mind tho, my heart would ache but I didn’t have time to stop and figure out why I felt that.

In the first year, I poured so much time into Soul Full, neglecting myself and my art.

The mission of my life is embedded in my heart but it’s written in different languages that I have to learn as I go.

God sent me here for a reason I can feel it in my bones but he reveals the plan little by little as long as I keep moving. I know that If I stop, I’ll get stuck.

Without knowing the formula I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off because I just wanted to be in motion.

Motion without strategy is like running in place.

I strongly believe that my purpose is connected to all the things I like to do.

I love writing and reading from all literary genres that is what I went to school for.

When it came time to make a career out of it, I got stuck. I got tired of writing Some Women Prefer Hell, That's why it’s so short, and that’s why part 2 still ain’t out.

Please don’t start attacking me, I promise it’s coming.

After publishing my book, I started a blog about life. Then I fell into poetry and short stories, you know, quick pieces.

Then I became a public speaker about Mental Health.

I wanted to connect everything I did in one and that’s how we got Soul Full.

Although I am just getting started with Soul Full, I’ve had some great moments thus far that I have celebrated fully but at the heights of my celebration, I  felt like something was missing.

Naturally, as a woman my thoughts go to a relationship but in my soul I know that what’s missing is already in me, suppressed.

I would try to reason with myself because even though I felt unfulfilled, at the same time, I felt like I was being ungrateful.

Whenever I get like this I go into a shell until I figure it out.

My dad always says when I ask him if he’s talking to himself, “Yes, I trust me”.

That gives me the confidence to talk to myself and tackle what I need to tackle anywhere and not care who stares. LOL! 

So after many conversations about the missing piece, that heartache I would get guided to what that was. I saw somebody say “ you are depressed because you can’t fully express” and I felt that. 

Soul Full Chicago is by far my best work yet but I slick forgot why I started it while trying to build it.

Even though I’m in the threshold of another drastic change, Im really just now catching my breath.

Im starting to realize that yes, Soul Full is important but so are the things that lead me here, such as this blog.

I would talk my shit about anything and y’all would be locked in right with me.

Don’t get me wrong,I meet new people in Soul Full daily and we fall into deep conversation about life love and emotions but I find myself open yet reserved.

I dont care how deep the conversation is, I cant push myself to go as deep as i would if i were writing. 

My journals let me know i have a lot to say well actually my older brother hood tells me all the time I have a lot to say and i hold it in.I have been having conversations with myself long enough.

Ive been neglecting my talents long enough. 

The time is now! I’d like to say that i’m officially back!

I am going to discuss navigating my life while dealing with my different emotions.

That really sums up who I am.

I am an emotional being and I'm proud of it.

I used to be afraid of being alone because that meant I had to deal with my emotions.

I am the only person I am going to be with for the rest of my life.

I had to do something about that.

As the time goes by, I become more emotionally intune with myself and those around me.

This isn’t an easy journey but it's mine that I’d like to share. This blog is where I will lay out my inner world, with you. 

“The world lacks empathy and sometimes their default comes off as apathy disguised in sympathy”

Mariah”Modi” Fair