Ignorance
Nobody talks about how hard it is to follow God’s path and still function in society.
Following God means to protect your thoughts and keep your mind on Godly things but how can I do that when I think throat baby is a love song.
I wish it were as easy as my ears don’t even vibe to shit like that but it ain’t.
The song actually got me thinking I want somebody to think this highly of me.
He said “ I shoot the world for you, I go to war for you” I don’t know about you but I want a man to choose me over everyone and if it gets hectic I want to be able to say “ my nigga will shoot this bitch up” if y’all wont admit it, I will.
Listening to music like that got me focused on a certain caliber of man, the world will have you thinking it’s one extreme or the other.
Hints “Future or Russell”
I know I’d run over a Russell and a future will run over me.
I want a Jay-Z, a man that understands the streets but knows he’ll get more out of life from being with me.
A soulmate should calm my soul not give me PTSD.
My soul needs peace and harmony.
My heart needs to beat calmly.
I don’t want to find myself at war with the person I’m lying next to.
I don’t want to have anxiety every time his phone rings.
I don’t want to think of different ways to one-up the man I let buss in my mouth.
I definitely don’t want to suppress how I feel from fear of an argument or knowing I won’t get the truth from the man I let hit raw.
I’m tired of sharing my energy, my deepest fears, and my biggest dreams with men who only tell me what they think I want to hear, do things they think I want them to do just long enough to get some.
They will have us thinking we on the path to marriage because they are homeless and horny.
It’s the promise of pussy that motivates a Fuck boy.
The saddest part about this is it’s something inside of me that’s attracted to attention and affection, not love.
How about I take it deeper. We search for the love we were given as a child because that’s all we know.
At this point in the blog, It would be predicted for me to tell you to love yourself first before you ask another person to love you and yes you should do that but what happens when you don’t know how?
When the morning affirmations not working and the self-care Sundays feel more like a mental asylum than a sanctuary?
I encourage you to stop everything, cut off the tv, turn the podcast and the playlist off, power off your phone and drop to your knees and surrender to God.
Disconnect with everything that makes you lose sight of the inner voice, his voice.
The music along with the memes that are out now are #disrespectfully fucking us up.
It is hard to cut off the hits.
Trust me, I want to throw up gang signs, twerk, and sing my heart out to the best of them but I know my mind is a sponge.
I know I’m in an extremely vulnerable state and I have to protect my energy on all fronts, so as tempting as it is to become throat baby to my favorite sneaky link I’ve got to cut that shit off and love on my mind.
Feed it positive images and sounds of love cause the reality is, I don’t know what love is and what better way to learn through the entity that created it.
-December 26, 2020
