ME or US

I go back and forth between love and success too much.

Should I fall in love, Have kids, and Get married??

Or should I focus on Mariah?

I’m sure reading this you like “self-love is what you preach” true but what about the days where I cannot conjure up enough courage to love myself?

The days I want a him to be like “ you got this, my baby.”

Days I want a pep talk but not a sister-friend Pep talk.

What about after the long days at work, or the long periods of time I have writer’s block?

Sure I can call my mom and she’ll snap me back into it but pillow talk is different.

I don’t just mean that talk you have after passionate sex or a headboard ramming session.

I mean that talk when someone sees you.

They know your fears and dreams.

They know you at your most vulnerable..

“ yea but so does my best friend”.

Come on y’all stay with me, I’m talking about that head over hills unconditional love talk.

The kind I’m sure Jhené and Big Sean have.

“ Let’s take over the world Baby, just you and me” kind of talk.

“Tell me your dreams so they can become our dreams. Tell me how you wanna take over the world so I can figure out a way to support it. Mentally physically and financially ” kind of talk.

“ I wanna sit back and get turned on by how passionate you are for your dreams “ kind of talk.

On the journey to self-love, I find myself on autopilot.

I block love because it can be very distracting.

It’s satisfying to lay up watch movies, and have orgasm after orgasm.

I crave a different kind of arousal.

Life is hard and scary but having a partner that’s all about you, y’all money, and y’all success is optimal.

-March 13,2020